Mother’s day is around the corner — tomorrow, actually. For as long as I have known me, I have jumped back and forth on the idea of having a child — by birth or adoption. When I was a child myself, I played with Barbies and baby dolls. With Barbie, she never had kids. She owned her own pizzeria, car, and Barbie Mansion. And usually she had very little to do with Ken.
Four or more years ago, I believed a career in technology is something I wanted. I have the career now, albeit part-time, but I have learned that tech isn’t the right fit for me. At least not tech support which is pretty much my job.
As much of the time I have been drawn to tech, I have also been drawn to what college labels the liberal arts. Plaintively, I am trying to get my ducks in a row to go back to school for a degree in English Lit. On the practical side of the degree, I currently plan to teach high school level English courses. What I also hope to gain is better ability in writing so I can create while I teach.
A dream I have had since the first grade was to be a writer, but that’s not something that goes over well when telling others. Which is why my previous blog post on giving less to no fucks is something I am working on as well. And truthfully, if I do go into teaching with my degree, I am doing so because I am not sure I am disciplined enough to not live on a steady income. Yes, practicality.
Lose all expectations. Don’t assume. Above all else, do your best.
This seems to be the theme of self-development lately. I think not long ago it was self-help, but I can’t lie, I prefer it self-development. Yesterday, I was trying to find a similar book to “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.” I still sometimes catch myself pronouncing the “b” in the word subtle. When discussing the pronunciation of superlative with a coworker one time, she had a fancy word for when you learn a word by reading. I forget the fancy word, but you may know it.
In general, I give too many fucks. I care too much what others think. I do my best by trying to be perfect, but sometimes it bites me in the ass and I make more mistakes than I would have if I had given less fucks.
Today this changes. I go into work and do my best by giving less fucks. I do my best by having zero expectations on others and their perception of me and even less assumptions.
No fucks given is my motto for the day. And the sheer veneer I play of going with the flow will be a reality.
Here it comes, a better version of me.
I am currently listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s audiobook Big Magic. I love this book as much as I love her Eat Pray Love so I will probably get the print from B&N or Amazon.
Around Tuesday of last week, I began to get a sharp pain in my stomach. I had a similar stomach pain about 8 years ago and went to a Gastroenterologist who with an endoscopy and colonoscopy determined nothing was wrong so he just told me to stick to the bland diet. Figuring as much on Tuesday, I went on with my regular diet and just cut out anything with tomatoes or pizza sauce.
“Over the last almost 18 months, you are the one person whom I gravitate towards because you ARE honest with me. Even if I don’t like what you have to say, you’re honest”
This is the text message I received from Ugo before we decided to start dating for real. And it’s one of the best traits you can compliment me with. Tell me you love my honesty or my intelligence and I MELT INSIDE.
So Ugo and I started dating. We have a movie date tomorrow night. We shall see how it goes…