Daughter

In my about page, I mention that Nora Elise is a name I made up for if I ever had a daughter. I am almost 32 and have yet to find that prince charming so it’s not looking promising.

If I could be frank, it kind of sucks. For the longest time, I put up this childfree front. Kids weren’t for me. I’d be more exhausted than other exhausted parents because I am selfish and like my time. I like the luxury of doing what I want when I want and the freedom from responsibility of possibly being the reason a kid’s in therapy. This world is annoyingly populated as it is, why add more?

I have been guilty for saying those things and I am sure so much more. But the truth of the matter is, I really wish I could have a daughter. And I couldn’t tell you why a daughter over a son. I love children of all genders and give equal attention and play with any and all kids, even the ones I’m not fond of. Hey, they are people, too and it is very possible that you can dislike a kid as you would an adult. Just putting that out there.

All of my friends have children except Joss because she just turned 20 and at almost 32, that’s a baby to me. Of course when I was 20 I felt grown and had an almost baby. But looking at 20 year olds from where I am standing now… I can’t tell them apart from teenagers. True story.

When I was with Tim, he had a daughter and a son. One of each like American Dream kinda families typically hope for. Vally, the daughter, was the cutest, sweetest, funniest little girl. Victor, the son, I liked as well, but for a lot of the time Tim and I were together, Victor was missing his mom and wanted his parents to get back together so I took the route of not pushing myself on him. I would let him approach me and be openly receptive. Vally was too young to understand her parents being separated. Tim did think I preferred Vally over Victor.

When Brea and I were good friends and hanging out a lot, her daughter Ella was a babe in diapers. She didn’t talk yet, had just started crawling, and she was so adorable. Her son Patrick was funny, smart, witty, and a big jokester. And his laugh would crack anyone up. Brea still noticed I had preference for Ella.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I don’t feel as much of a connection with the sons of my friends that I do with their daughters. And it’s similar in my friendships with adults. I value my girlfriends more than my guy friends. I guess I am what Brittany Gibbons and Meredith Soleau talk about in their podcast Girls’ Girls. I am a certified 100% Girl’s Girl.

16 Comments

  1. anusrini20 09.13.2017 at 10:22 AM

    I like how you have added some humour to what could have been a dreary post.
    But I am not too sure about all the initials in the middle, they can get a bit confusing!

    1. Sarah N. Quinn 09.13.2017 at 10:23 AM

      Haha ok I’ll see what I can do about the initials. Thanks for reading and commenting! 😊

  2. Sara 09.13.2017 at 10:52 AM

    I don’t have a daughter.I have a son and I find myself drawn to my friends’ daughters always.But its too late for me now, you still have some good years:)

    1. Sarah N. Quinn 09.13.2017 at 12:04 PM

      Aww thank you, Sara. Love your name. 😊

  3. Natasha 09.14.2017 at 12:05 AM

    Daughters are blessings from the heavens above. Yes I’m biased too and I have two of my own.
    Someday I bet you will have yours as well.

    Love and light

    1. Sarah N. Quinn 09.14.2017 at 6:31 AM

      Thank you for your kind words.

    2. Natasha 09.15.2017 at 6:17 AM

      Welcome 😊

  4. Parul Thakur 09.14.2017 at 5:50 AM

    I like little girls too. They are sweet and adorable. I don’t have thought about boys though. I am childfree and maybe this is the way I will remain. I like the way you added humor to this post.

    1. Sarah N. Quinn 09.14.2017 at 6:38 AM

      Than you, Parul. 😊

  5. unfoldingfromthefog 09.14.2017 at 9:57 PM

    I would have been happy with a son or two, but I always wanted a daughter. I got two. You have time. 🙂

  6. Miss A 09.24.2017 at 8:01 AM

    Perhaps you feel closer to girls as you are one 😉 Well thats how i feel at least. I always also felt more connected to my friends who has little girls. Now this year i was lucky to have a daughter of my own and its fantastic – you are absolutely right there. And no stress. Im 35 and its been a perfect age for me to get my first child.

    1. Sarah N. Quinn 09.24.2017 at 8:05 AM

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting. And yeah that could be very possible. It’s just awkward when my friends who have one of each call me out on it. Lol I really do love all kids.

  7. Nilzeitung 10.05.2017 at 10:21 AM

    Toll (*L*)

  8. hummingbirdpages 12.03.2017 at 2:45 AM

    I am the youngest of six children. I have four older brothers and an older sister. My mum somehow planned it out well: boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl. And we are all two years apart. My eldest sibling is 10yrs older, then 8yrs, then 6yrs, next is 4yrs and the last is 2yrs. I have trouble remembering all their ages, so I just take my age and add on the applicable number of years. I do not have a relationship with the “male genetic contributor” who provided said genes for all of my siblings and I. Sadly he was not just a “donor”, but more an abusive asshat who tormented my family for the first half of my life and has left me in therapy for the other half. But that’s what I pay my therapist for to talk about, not you!

    My sister is smack bang in the middle of all my brothers. She desperately wanted a sister. And then when she was six, along I came. I was born roughly a fortnight before her birthday, and for a long time she referred to me as the “best early birthday present” ever. I spent my formative years as a dress-up doll. And when I became a teenager, she helped me navigate hormones, periods, self esteem and how to shave your legs and not bleed everywhere.

    We were so close. Closer than best friends. As close as, well, sisters.

    But then, I don’t know what happened. Suddenly, she had no time for me. This was recently. And now she is married and has a husband and a fulltime job, a whole new life that I don’t fit into. And I feel like I’ve been cast aside like an old toy that she no longer needs. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. The role of bridesmaid was held over me like a real “privilege”. She threatened several times to take it away.

    I hope one day that she will come back to me. I don’t have any children of my own, but I will one day. And I really hope she will be there with me to help me raise them. I hate the fact that I come from such a large family, yet I am all alone. None of them are much a part of my life. I have a closer relationship to my partner’s family, which isn’t even that strong yet either.

    Dang, I was trying to share my story of being a daughter and being a sister. Oops. I just brought everyone down!

    1. Synna Coal 12.03.2017 at 7:24 PM

      Aside from the mass amount of siblings, I pretty much understand where you are coming from. I do not talk to my paternal gene donor for many, many reasons. And recently my sister has parted ways from both me and my mother. I’d give the reason, but really it’s only my side so it’s biased. Families can really suck sometimes.

      As it stands now for me, I don’t plan or see myself having a child. And I am ok with that.

      Thank you for taking the time to read and for sharing your story. I do wish the best for you and your sister, and I also wish the best that your therapy is healing. I’m still on the fence if I want to begin navigating and untangling the stuff I went through.

      ((Hugs))

    2. hummingbirdpages 12.03.2017 at 7:53 PM

      I have been fortunate enough to find a woman (who sadly lives in another country) who is as special and as important to me as if she is my younger sister. She is 21 and I am 28. I do not pretend to know all of life’s secrets, now or ever, but I love being able to share my life with her and help her navigate the frightening world of the second decade of life. She has been more supportive and loving of me, all of me – scars and all -, than my own blood sister. And I recently started sponsorship of a young girl through World Vision. She is in a place in my mind and heart, that would be filled by a daughter.

      The saddest part of my family of origin, that I have only started to understand recently, is that not only was my childhood (and my innocence) stolen by MGC, my adolescence and adult life were stolen also by MGC and the trauma he wrought forcing me into therapy to learn to be able to live rather than just survive, but my future family has also been stolen. I have a beautiful nephew. I have met him once, and I adore him. But his father, my brother, has limited my ability to be a part of my nephew’s life. And I may never be a real part of his life until he is old enough to decide for himself.

      As for the untangling of the past, some would say to let ‘sleeping dogs lie’ and ‘let the dead stay dead, and the past remain the past’. I believe that is true to some extent. Some things don’t need to be relived, they are better left to remain ghosts of the past. But I have sadly learnt the hard way, that there are some things of my life and my past, of which I am only qualified to speak of (I cannot tell you or anyone else what to do, even if I feel strongly enough that those people would benefit from my experience and be able to heal faster than I am by learning from my mistakes), that I had hoped would remain ghosts but instead burst forth when least expected. I did try for a long time to ignore them, and then to just deal with the issues that arose from the trauma itself. Neither approach worked. And as a result I’ve had to dive into the darkest and scariest parts of my mind, so that I can finally close those books and take back some of what was taken from me. I only wish that I was able to begin this healing earlier, say when it rose up frighteningly at age 14, but unfortunately there would have been no one who would have even understood what was going on, who had degrees and training to help.

      I guess I’m saying, do what you think is right for your own self. Just one favour I ask, don’t let your present and future life, be dictated by the past, a past that you did not ask for nor deserved nor are to blame for.

      (_____________) <- that’s a virtual hug.