I committed my first, and to my knowledge at this point, only breaking and entering offense when I was either 8 or 9-years-old.
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I had a really close friend named Tasia. She was a latch-key kid so typically when we ran the hood — read: rode our bikes around the neighborhood — we usually ended up in some mischief. For example, one time we left the neighborhood to go to a nearby lake. We were playing around and I pushed her and she ended knee-deep into the murky water. She was not happy. I remember another time we came across her step-dad’s adult magazines and videos he kept in a duffel bag in a closet of a room — that may have been off-limits to us. We did innocent things as well. Such as, dancing around the living room blasting Salt N’ Pepa’s Very Necessary album with popular tracks like Shoop and None of Your Business. Eloquent lyrics such as:

Believe me, if he’s something that I want, I’m steppin’ closer
I’m not one for playing high-pole
Like the house of ditty-nine-oh-two-one-oh type of the ho
I treat a man like he treats me
The difference between a hooker and a ho ain’t nothin’ but a fee
So hold your tongue tightly, wish you could be like me
You’re poppin’ all that mess only to stress and to spite me
Now you can get with that or you can get with this
But I don’t give a shit ’cause really it’s none of your business

I still love that song. It’s actually always been my favorite off of the album. Anyway, I digress. It was the 90’s and we enjoyed it in all the ways we could.

So one sunny day, Tasia and I decided to go to my neck of the hood to my neighbor’s house to see if she was home. Her name was Vivian and she was a young woman I would hang out with sometimes and we would make ugly wooden lamps, but I thought they were cool. I wanted to show Tasia.

Needless to say, since this is about breaking and entering, Vivian wasn’t home. She had a yappy little puppy and due to Tasia and mine’s presence on the property, the dog was doing its yappy thing. I got the idea — usually, I was the one with the bizarre ideas and notions — that the dog was in trouble.

image of lego super girl in the air reacting to offscreen event

I told Tasia we had to get over the fence to check on the dog. We did just that and the dog was fine of course. As it turns out though, we couldn’t get back over the fence. The side door to the garage was open so I had the brilliant idea to go exploring — forgetting about the wooden lamps altogether. Tasia’s curiosity was just as insatiable as mine which is why we were always into mischief and great friends.

We walked through the side door and into the garage. I was in Vivian’s garage a few times so nothing piqued my interest there. Discovering the door to the house unlocked certainly did. And so it was, we walked into the house through the mudroom and into the kitchen. We looked at knickknacks and notes until we ended up in the living room. To the left of us was a long hallway past the stairs that ended at the front door. We were by the desk to our right looking at something when we heard the noise of keys at the front door.

young woman saying oh shit
Tasia’s exasperated reaction when I ignored her several “we have to go” attempts.

Vivian was not pleased. She wanted to know how, why and how long. We left at her request, but she never told my mom. Vivian was kinda cool like that. To my knowledge, I have never been in someone’s house uninvited since that day. I have a feeling it’s probably the same for Tasia. We went back to our usual mischief and kept that day to ourselves.

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