I am probably going to live to regret this, but I will live. I fell asleep sometime after 6 this evening. I slept on and off until about midnight. I decided at that time that I wanted to be up for a bit and made some coffee.
I have been debating for sometime now if I want to write about the demise of a friendship. Part of me has no desire to document such thing in this blog. It’s mine and I want to look back on my writings without negative emotions creeping up. At the same time, I am curious if writing about it and getting it out of my system will help to dissipate the negative feelings that are lingering within me at this time.
The main reason I gave up my friendship with this person is because she looked down at my life and my choices. Being around her or on the phone with her became daunting. The irony in this is I had similar feelings towards her with her own life, I just never vocalized it or showed it.
Aside from the fact of her judgments of me, she has a lot of issues. Now, her issues are of course my own perception, but I wasn’t the only person who felt this way. The issues became all consuming and it came to the point where it was hard tolerating her.
To give you an idea of what I am referring to, I will share an excerpt from a blog post she wrote about me after the falling out:
“I tried to be understanding because I knew her life wasn’t easy. She is alone and doesn’t know what a healthy relationship with anyone looks like. She runs when anyone tries to care about her or get close and runs even faster if you criticize her choices or motives. Mostly she ran because she didn’t get her way. But a “good” friend doesn’t leave for any reason and I stayed even when I didn’t agree with her choices or actions.”
That snippet gives an idea of what it felt like to hang around her. Even when she wasn’t hurt or angry with me, she pretty much would cut me down in direct and indirect ways.
And to set the story straight, I run from the unhealthy – not the healthy. And I am well aware what healthy relationships look like. Lastly, I live alone, I am not alone.